This will either be the start of my glow-up or a cautionary tale, either way buckle up – you’re about to learn from a master procrastinator.
I turn 46 soon, and let me tell you, I have never been more tired, unmotivated or outright stuck in my life. But first let me tell you how I came to be in this chaotic, scary place.
By the way this is how I live my life, because if I didn’t force this issue I would do nothing. Do I need to keep doing stupid stuff to get motivation?
The Rock Bottom that set it all in motion:
It was the end of last year. For the billionth time I was fed up and wondering “When will my life begin” 
(the song that is my little earworm), when all of a sudden a pre approved credit card popped into my emails. That’s it, 0% interest, perfect it’s going to help me pay off my credit card and get out of debt.
But I was depressed so instead I was scrolling TikTok and up pops China, people who were living their best lives, misty mountains, ancient buildings, the frickin Great Wall. I’ve always wanted to go to China so I thought to myself, 0% interest free for 24 months, I can totally get my life together by then, right? One impulsive hour late and the flights were booked – no going back now.
The thing is, booking the trip wasn’t just about wanderlust, it was survival – I needed not only something to look forward to but also a new and exciting experience that I can brag about to anyone who will listen. Yes I like to be the centre of attention every so often, so what?
I don’t want any confusion about my motives.
I have tried dry January, but an impromptu trip to Tenerife (on a freebee I might add, at my sisters expense) put a stop to that and I was drinking and smoking within two weeks. I have since tried and failed to stop both smoking and drinking on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis.
I just want to highlight that I am not an alcoholic, I don’t have withdrawal symptoms when I stop, I don’t drink everyday either. I just genuinely have a huge fear of FOMO and I hate it that I can’t just do what I want when I want. If I had the money to continue to smoke and drink as well as have a Holiday every year I probably would.
To be honest though it’s not only about the expense, as I’ve already mentioned I’m nearly 46 and I cannot keep using my days off to recover from a hangover and achieve nothing at all, it’s time to grow up and get rid of the things in my life that no longer serve me.
The Deal I’m Making with Myself
This trip isn’t just a holiday, it’s an adventure and my Intervention. A chance to turn my life around and move out of my comfort zone. I want to see the world and have fun and this is my way of forcing the outcome, I can’t keep doing nothing after all, can I?
No more can I say I will quit next month or I’ll save later because China doesn’t care about my excuses.
So long as I follow my own advice (this is not something I’m good at) but from now on I will be:
- Trading cigarettes for the gym
- Trading expensive takeaways for Great wall tickets
- Battling functional freeze with sheer panic.
- Making money to have the most awesome experience.
This isn’t just about a trip to China though, this is about turning my life around for the better.
Next post:
Can a failure like me make £3000 in six months without selling my soul? Follow my:
Broke to Beijing. I have six months to make extra cash for China. Panic Plan.
Onset Twilight 
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